Well, If you are reading this then your obviously interested in what I have to say. Congrats! I know I can be witty and dumb, sometimes all in one sentence. So hopefully what I have to say will keep you entertained! I wanted to start writing a blog because I have so much to say on facebook and often what I write starts these huge blown up debates when I'm not meaning to. This is perfect for me to get my thoughts out there. You can chose to disagree or agree and better yet if you really don't agree well then don't read this! Perfect, right? I thought so too. Be forewarned though, you lurker you.. I will write about God. I will write about my family. I will write about friends and I will write about whatever random thought comes into mind. I'm not here to argue with you about the realness of my one true savior. I'm not hear to argue about politics (and yes I will post about that), I'm not here to defend my son's healthcare to you.,(because the fact is you don't know what were going through. The end.) So like I said. Read and agree or disagree or don't read at all. With that being said on to today's first topic..
Forgiveness.
So some of you close to me know the family drama I've been going through since Dylan came into this world. If you don't know, well it's just that. Baby daddy grandma drama. This woman has not stopped trying to ruin my life since I've known her. She's pited me against my ex, against my family, tried to sway my son into thinking his dad and I are terrible parents, she bribes my son with money, toys, candy, and whatever she can get her hands on. She stops at nothing to get what she wants. And back in 2009 she took us to court to get visitation rights and won them. Thank you TN. (not!) Ever since then it really has been hell for us and most recently she is trying to put us in jail. I won't put on here the specific reason why we won't let our boy go see her but I will say she is crazy. Like clinical crazy. Ok, well now you know the history so lets get back to the topic of forgiveness.
How do you forgive someone who does all these things to you? I want to forgive her and move on. That's the right thing to do however it's the hardest. And I realize I can forgive her without liking her or speaking to her. But I find myself obsessing over this part. Maybe it's because this has affected me since I was 17. Maybe it's because I know I will have to put up with her until my boy turns 18, she dies, or the court will finally rule in our favor. Either way she's here and I hate her with such a passion I wish death upon her often. That's so ugly to think that way and I'm embarrassed to admit that but it's the truth. I don't like feeling this way. I don't know the answer. (obviously) I probably won't know the answer, all I can do is pray. Pray that God takes away this hate and that I can move past this. And I also pray that God will give me the wisdom to think above and navagiate through the sneaky schemes she throws at us. And as always, pray for me and this situation.
-Jess
